Mr. Marx Goes for a Beavertail
Nick Culhane

The brilliant mind of Karl Marx was working overtime as it linked his sudden desire to consume a Raspberry Jammer Beavertail with the turbo-capitalist system of 21st century Canadian society. Canada was just one of the many countries that was declining as a welfare state due to its devastating debt situation that stemmed from over a century of reckless spending on upper class agendas and unjust wars to support the bourgeoisie hegemony.

As Mr. Marx walked the splendid streets of downtown Ottawa in early June, he wisely noted that the number of proletariats clearly outnumbered the bourgeoisie shop and tavern owners and concluded that revolution was inevitable.

Standing in line to order, he could not help but notice that the Beavertail shack, a cultural symbol of Canada, was sponsored by the multi-national Pepsi corporation. Mr. Marx shook his head in anger. Borders were vanishing, history was ending, and unless the workers of the free world united and broke free of their chains soon it would be the producer super-structure that would emerge victorious.

As he sunk his teeth into the Beavertail, a wave of euphoria washed over him. He started walking home, feeling completely refreshed in his philosophy. Once people realized that the lives they were leading were only superficial and pre-determined by the economic powers that be, they would unite and swiftly overthrow their common oppressor. A new era in human existence would begin. Even the sweet taste of a Raspberry Jammer Beavertail would be overshadowed by a fulfillment that could only come from a free, just, and harmonious society.

He felt very at peace with himself. With the taste of the Beavertail still in his mouth and with crumbs from the deep fried pastry still in his beard, his mind began hatching new ideas to overthrow the status quo. Indeed, Mr. Marx was so excited he did not even feel bad when he passed by a homeless man and realized he had just spent the last of his change on his snack. Mr. Marx just wiped his mouth with his hand before placing it on the homeless man's shoulder and said "Don't worry friend, the revolution is on its way." And as Mr. Marx rushed off to design it, the homeless man just sat there confused, wishing those words would feed him and that he could share that great mind's optimism.

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